Speed and Addiction

 The How: 

My first encounter with Amphetamine was caused by innocent things. I was 16 and I was depressed. The culprit, self pity and suicidal ideation. My mom wanted to and put me in a psych ward. So I could get help. 

While in there I was surrounded by other teens. Who was there for all types of reasons. Drug addiction, depression and Schizophrenia etc. The psych ward stay was new for me. This place also changed my life. 

I was always a shy kid til the age of 16. The reason why was that at 16 I was put on ADHD meds. Way before the hospital stay. I thought about opening up at school. My 16 year old mind couldn't ever see how it would soon turn harmful. 

In the hospital doctors would talk to each individual patient about their life. I had to talk about my childhood. And I told him teachers always thought I had ADD. Which was a true statement that I had. 

That had me put on a certain Amphetamine. Next morning a nurse brought out all the meds we had to take. I had my turn and swallowed the pill. 1 hour later I had no desire for food. This surprised me. I didn't know anything about this drug. So I had no idea on how I would feel. 

I felt a warm, soothing feeling. And actually wanted to talk and have social interactions. This made me happy. Because this was during summer break. And I had already told myself I would be more social at school when it starts. 

The Where:

School was fun when I started back after summer break. And that little pill made me feel confident. Have a higher libido also more chatty. Speed made me change into a completely opposite personality. 

The Why:

At home I was mean to my siblings and family. The Amphetamine turned on me! I would clean and organise the whole house. And make any excuse to pop another pill. It made me stay in the basement watching dirty films or reading books. As part of my binge.  

Then when coming down I would get depressed. And it had my Bipolar 1 disorder worst but I kept falling back into the loop. 

The reason I quit Speed cold turkey because I got tired of getting into a psychosis and loss of friends and appetite. I refused to live like that and feel like crap all the time. 

The Amphetamine made me barely talk. Every conversation with I would just say "Um, and "Yeah" and begin having tics like coughing. So I stopped and it has been 5 years since I last took some. I never will again.  

I'm free and enjoying nutrients in food that affect my mood. You can find advice in my Self Help Poetry book.  

"Go Along Way"